A Word For Emotional Abuse
Content Warning: Emotional Abuse
One word
for emotional abuse
is couples.
The first time I learned
about emotional abuse
was in articles
about abusive partners.
As if
emotional abuse
only existed as
a wilted rose of romance.
Another word
for emotional abuse
is mother.
Mothers
typically worshipped.
Perfect goddesses,
but mine
a dormant volcano.
On good days,
she was warm.
On bad days,
she burned.
Drawing power
from a quick temper,
she hurled fireballs
insults
gradually
eroding my self esteem.
Spewing ash clouds
she'd scream,
"Stupid,
you can't
do anything right!"
Then came
the poisonous gas.
"You're so lazy,
you probably mess up
on purpose
so you don't have to
do anything!"
"Don't say I
didn't teach you anything,
you're gonna be
in big trouble
when I'm not around!"
I tried
to defend myself,
my tears evaporating
in the blazing anger
of my mother's voice.
I tried
to find support,
told
to grow a thicker skin
in dry and cracked soil.
My insides
were humid,
livid with
frustration
and unspoken words.
Sometimes,
magma
gushed out
as resentment
became active.
When magma cools,
a heart
hardens,
resentment
becomes dormant.
I numbed myself,
bottling
and freezing
unspoken words
hibernating
body and soul.
I numbed myself
because I learned
a cold word
for emotional abuse
is absence.
Icicles
of tough love,
a winter season
that was normal.
All abuse
must be acknowledged
without excuse
or the cycle
will never
be broken.
My worst fear
is that
I become
an inferno
or an iceberg.
I hope
I can emerge anew,
a pleasant sun
in spring.
Latonya Pennington is a non-binary queer freelance writer and poet. Their poetry has been published at Linden Avenue literary magazine, Superselected magazine, and the anthology Scribes of Nyota. You can find them on Twitter @TonyaWithaPen.